No other phenomenon has intrigued me as much love; in fact, it is so extraordinarily fascinating. Come to think of it - it takes a fraction of a millisecond(may be lesser) to fall for someone but a trifle longer than a lifetime to fall out of it. Also as I have discovered,the road to love is strikingly easy to take, for it is paved with roses- red and sublime, however the way back is just a dead impasse made with pretty lies and broken dreams.....
How did it all come about, you might ask. Well, here is the story.
"How does an angel look like?" This was a question which I often asked people as a kid. Their answers, as varied and diverse as they were, never really convinced me. Then one fine day, I saw HER. I have not bothered to ask that question any further since - the question answered itself. I felt as if a bomb had detonated and in a moment my defense was gone rendering me vulnerable like never before. As the dust settled, the realisation dawned on me that now there was a hole where my heart used to be.....
That was way back in August, 2007 in Mumbai. Plenty of water has flown under the bridge since. The hole, however, is still there. It has only expanded with every passing day to the world outside,and I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into it at night.
And if you thought that was the end of it, you are mistaken. Parting was so much more subdued compared to the first meeting. There were no explosions this time. It was as quiet as a feather falling through the thin air. And the most painful part is nobody hears it except you. I was being transferred to Bangalore and it was my last day in Mumbai. The mere thought of not being able to see her ever again gave me shivers. I felt the air vanish from my lungs. Drawing whatever courage I could from my last reserves, I went up to her to say 'Good Bye'. With moist eyes and a lump in my throat I extended my wavering hand to touch her one final time. How I wished time stopped. She reciprocated with a pat on my shoulders and a blinding smile. That smile is still vivid in my memory. She turned around to leave. I wanted to cry out - "Don't"; but the words betrayed me. And I stood there defenselessly watching the distance between our two bodies expand until there was nothing left but empty space......and silence.
Ever since that profound moment, I have been trying to console myself telling that a time will come when I will stop loving you and with the distance we have between us, I will forget you. But then I realised that since you left me, time had stopped and distance had no measure. I simply cannot reconcile with your absence, despite knowing fully well that you were never meant to be mine. I can't even escape the thought of you. Even in my dreams you are there. It just ain't fair how you are gone, and how you are moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past.
Why do I still hanker for you? A million words wouldn't bring you back. I know because
I have tried. Nor would a million tears. I know because I have cried....
